The tooth fairy brought Hayley coins and apparently, lots of them because she or he (Jeff) was low on dollar bills. So she received an array of coins under her pillow. Which led to the discussion on what she could do with her money. Jeff saw this as an opportunity to start teaching our daughter about money for the offering plate.
Jeff: The Bible indicates that we are supposed to tithe at least 10% of our money.
Hayley: Why?
Jeff: Because all of our money belongs to God and he asks us to give back to support the church, its ministries and people in need.
Hayley: How much do I need to give the offering?Jeff: 10%
Hayley: (thinking he met 10 of her coins.) But I only have 14 coins.
Jeff: For every 10 coins you can give 1 to the church.
Hayley: Oh. (she sounds sad) Okay. (still sad)
Me: The thing is Hayley, God doesn't just ask that we give, he wants us to be excited to give, not because we should, but because we can. It is a blessing.
Jeff: Do you understand what we are saying?
Hayley: I think so.
Jeff: How many coins do you want to take to offering? Remember its one coin for every 10. You could do one or two if you want.
Hayley: I want to take 2 coins, the 2 biggest ones! (With a huge smile on her face)
She got it. She totally got it. At this point am feeling pretty pleased. However, on the way to patting myself on the back for helping her with this all important lesson, I pause. She totally got it. Her mother, however, seems to be missing the point. Do as I say, not as I do and all of that. It's not that I am not happy about giving. I love the money that goes out to people in need. My problem lies with giving outside of that, parting with my wants. I guess so often I think, we gave at church, surely I can spend a little on myself or the kids or the house? (like anyone in my house needs more stuff?)
Admitting all of this is sooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing. Especially to those who do not struggle with Consumerism. I think I am still trying to dress up, make up and possibly fake up the "me" I want to be. For some reason I have come to believe I can do such a thing in my quest to find my own final draft. Seriously?! Still?! at age 33. Yep its true. My daughter at age 5 trusts that what we are telling her is the truth and that God provides this money with a purpose for our lives and I am expecting her to follow that without using me as a role model. I know it doesn't sound like it but I actually know better than this.
The Bible has more than 2,350 verses having to do with finances. I know that I am not the first to struggle. Still, I am ashamed of the money I want to spend even if I don't actually buy the thing I am coveting. I can feel forward movement in my walk with the Lord but most often, shortly after the two steps forward, I often trip over my own feet, land on my back, lay there cursing myself and then slowly get back up, dust off and try to move forward once again only this time with a little limp. I might have overdone that analogy. I completely understand if I lost you a little bit.
If you are reading this you might be thinking that I am condemning all but selfless spending and that couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel like it all adds up to my motivation. Buying something can be a great thing whether it be necessity or just brighten up my day, with reason of course. My problem is trying to fill up this space inside me with "stuff". The following is a verse that we did in small group not too long ago.
Phill. 4:12-13; I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I loved this verse because it's like my ultimate goal. I believe it is Paul (I don't have my Bible in front of me) that wrote this while he was in PRISON!!! I am sure if Paul took a good look at my life he would totally understand my discontent. (not so much, I think) I get where I am suppossed to end up, it is just the journey I am struggling with, as usual.I am closing this entry with no real conclusion, only the hope that someday I will look back and giggle at this post, sort of like my eighth grade school pictures. Right now I just feel a long way from my goal. Pray for me please.
